Chuckie

I hate Hollywood.

I have good reason. Just so the uninitiated out there knows, absolutely every horror story you hear about
Hollywood has some basis in fact. Really. All those terrible things are true. I know. I've experienced several of
them in one way or another.

Many of you have already heard the horror stories that Ed Kline and I experienced first hand in Hollywood when
we lived there and were making science fiction props/weaponry for several movies and TV series.

Here's my latest irritation. His name is, well, let's just call him Chuckie for the moment, shall we? It reminds me a
bit of that horrid little doll that goes around blithely cutting people and not caring a whit for what suffering he might
be causing.

That's Chuck.

Now, let's start at the beginning, shall we?

Over a year ago Lore, owner of Hobb's Grove, was attending a Hallowe'en convention. Yes, they have
conventions for Hallowe'en events/people, etc, just like Science Fiction Conventions and the like. Really neat,
actually.

In any case, while waiting for their room, she and her husband walked in on a lecture and just sat down to wait, in
the cool, as Chicago was quite humid at that time of year. They found the speaker to be enthusiastic and full of
charisma and understanding in how people work. After the lecture was over Lore and Mike stopped to talk to
him for a few minutes and the fellow was quite nice. They had lunch, talked about Hobb's Grove, and he offered
his services as he was located in LA, a short (four hour) jaunt to Central CA.

They had decided that perhaps they could use a little help in giving their actors a boost in the creativity
department. That this gentleman could give suggestions to characterization for each actor to help them not end up
bored during those lulls between customers and possibly help them to create entire characters around their scare.
It was a cool concept and something that Tanamin and I often instilled in the actors by giving them a few jump
start lines to help them with their own characterization. But, this man was a "professional" dontcha know, and
Lore, bless her heart, thought that he might be able to help us give the actors that extra little zing.

He was invited to dinner with several of the main crew, Tanamin and I included. When we met the man I knew
from the beginning he was as fake as three dollar bill. I recognized that smile, that tone of voice and most
especially, that handshake. But, I went along with it. I played the enthusiastic individual with the best of them.
After all, maybe with some luck, we could get something good out of him.

We discussed scares, possibilities and such. Nothing that we wouldn't have already done without him, but we did
have a little different input as his perspectives on things were completely different. That can often be a good thing.

Now, at the same time, Chuck was getting ready to film a new movie. His story is that he was asleep at his hotel
when suddenly "wham" he came up with the "idea" of filming it at Hobb's Grove and calling it Hobb's Grove! He
was incredibly enthusiastic about the entire concept. With that enthusiasm faded his interest in helping the actors
with their parts. In fact, everything became "about the movie" after that. He came to site, maybe twice to actually
talk to the actors--or was it three times? I've forgotten. In any case, his mind was always on the movie as
opposed to Hobb's Grove's actors. Poor Lore was disappointed but hoped it would change.

It didn't.

In fact, in a way, it got worse. The filming was to start after the run, on November 2nd. There were tiny bits of
filming going on actually during the run. And along with that, he did the typical thing of offering the world to all the
actors and flirting with all the pretty young things and offering them the world as well, of course. Several of the
young men he offered "major" screen parts. To be the actual monsters, etc. Riiiiight. I knew better but who was I.
Not one of the young men would listen to me so I didn't even try. They all got that weird starry-eyed thing that
happens when a camera is suddenly there. I swear, almost every male I've ever met becomes a simian in front of
a camera.

Chuck made good use of the crew, that's for sure. He used them all right. As lackys. That way he didn't have to
pay anyone. None of the young men were monsters. Several of them just toted things for Mr. Chuck. He tried to
get me to phone every actor and ask them to come out on specific days as extras. I believe that was his job, or at
the very least, his assistant's. He got away with as much as he possibly could and disappointed a LOT of youth.

Then there was the actual filming. He and his crew damaged a lot of props. He says he was completely unaware
of it. I feel that's not true. I know acting. He's acting almost all the time. He can not be trusted to follow through
on anything he says. That's just the way Hollywood is. And they feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. The
whole place lives in their own little world.

He broke an entire counter letting his crew jump up on it in a few scenes to sit on. It collapsed. He didn't repair it.
He said they'd fix it. He never did.

There was a very expensive one-of-a-kind rat puppet ($1500) that was attached to a shelf so that it could not be
stolen and they literally ripped it up so that they could make use of it. They punched holes in a door in the make-
up room and then good ol' Chuckie signed the door as "aka Darkwalker" thinking that might allay any concerns
and that then the door might be worth something, I'm sure. The door was never replaced. Ah, but his ever so
famous signature is there on both sides! Woo hoo. Also, notice, he signed it "Darkwalker" right at the end of
filming. The movie that was originally supposed to be called Hobb's Grove was later changed to Darkwalker
during editing. I believe that Chuck never had any intention of calling it Hobb's Grove. He just used that to attract
the owners. He'd also told both me, Tanamin and several others that there were going to be "several" killers in the
movie but that they were going to fool the audience into thinking there was only one.

Honk! Wrong answer! There was only one monster. DarkWalker. Guess who played that particular part? You
got it. Mr Chuckie himself! Woo hoo! Why was I not surprised?

There were other things they did to the owners that are not my place to say here, but let's just say that Ed Kline,
my ever so sweet Angel of Death became…angry. He rarely wastes his energy on Hollywood types but when
they threaten the well being of his friends…

Chuck had one of the owners confused just short of tears with several of the things he'd conned her into agreeing
to. This made both myself, and Ed, more than a little angry and more than a little sorry for Lore, who was
completely inexperienced with the prevacarative ways of Hollywood types.

We were glad when the filming was over.

A few months back, we heard that the film was soon to be released. Oh boy. I'm jumping up and down for joy.
We'd already rented one of Chucks direct-to-video flicks and were shocked by the mediocrity of it. I honestly
could have acted better in my sleep. In fact I fell asleep while watching it. And this was the film that, up til then,
Chuck considered his best. Ouch. Oh, it's titled The Vault. It's a 30 minute film stretched to, well, too long.

In any case, for the heck of it, Tanamin looked up DarkWalker on Amazon.com, I think it was. Funny, there
were three reviews already up and the film had not even been released yet! And they were rave reviews! Imagine
that.

Then, to my surprise, I find out that Mr Chuckie is going to be on site to promote his film! Woo hoo! When Lore
made this announcement almost everyone made derisive comments or "boo'd" under their breath. When someone
called out, asking if we could all throw rotten tomatoes at him she was more than a little surprised at the positive
response that the idea received and even more shocked when she jokingly said, "Well maybe…" and everyone
cheered quite loudly.

Then, the next day the unthinkable happened. Chuck was going around doing some filming for a new and
improved version of one of his documentaries on Haunts from around the country. I was just pulling off my jeans
and pulling on black stretch pants so I could not later be seen in the dark when he walked around to the other
side of our other van which was paralleling the one I was sitting it. Ed was sitting in that one.

Start music of doom here.

I looked up, half-naked, and saw Chuck with his camera in Ed's face.

"Oh nooo," I whispered to myself. I could not get over there to flatten Ed's hackles before they could rise. I
heard Ed say, "Hi…CHUCK." Oh, god. Not THAT voice. I could not get my pants on fast enough.

It was too late. I heard Ed's voice rumbling dangeously. "You must have cast iron balls to come back here. The
smart thing would have been to not come back here. You don't come back to someplace after you've screwed
someone."

Chuck began denying having screwed anyone. Ed just said, "Yes you did. You screwed a lot of the folks here."
Then he turned away, saying, "Get out of here, Chuck. Leave us alone."

I heard Chuck politely say "I'm sorry you feel that way," and he moved off, in search of Lore, no doubt. He
found her and buttonholed her for about 15 to 20 minutes, talking to her. She told me that he never knew about a
lot of the damage caused by the movie crew. Whether he did or not, it was still his responsibilty to take care of
the things that were used, or make sure his crew did. Grrr.

I took a deep breath. Well, that wasn't too bad. Whew.

Keep in mind, this man is an Actor. He knows how to pull strings. He knows how to make his eyes look soulful.
He knows how to Act sincere. I know, I've seen it. And keep in mind, he's Hollywood. Pure and simple.

Folks who have not been screwed by him just tell me to "deal with it." They've never been screwed by
Hollywood and they still have stars in their eyes. That's fine. They can. They can work with those stars until they
do get screwed, which they will. It's when the stars are removed that you can get on with life, and the
understanding of exactly what Hollywood is. With that understanding, you can then have the joy of acting, better
prepared, and better armed for what such a lifestyle can throw your way. That's just the way it is.

And, from what I've heard from the Hobb's Grove actors who've seen the film DarkWalker--and I've not yet
rented the film myself--it's probably a good thing that the film was not called Hobb's Grove.