IWantIceCream

I Want Ice Cream By Kishma Danielle

I want ice cream. I want that sweater. I want that album. I want that lamp. I want a baby.

As a woman, I am in a constant state of desire. Desire for things to make my life easier and satisfy my needs.

It's only natural that I, as a woman, manipulate those events and individuals around me into also providing for
those those desires, whether they know it or not.

If you're a woman, and you're reading this, can you deny that you've ever manipulated someone in order to get
something you wanted?

Don't even try. Remember, I'm a woman.

It is that and related subjects that these musings are focused around. Things like Needs and how we find ways
to have them met.

Things like the "Little Voice," inside of all women that help them to decided when and how to manipulate those
around them into providing them what they desire.

PMS and how to avoid the anger, or at least how to deal with it when it is hell bent on attacking those around
them.

What women want and why.

What women think they want and why.

Women, are they right or are they wrong? (The answer might surprise you.)

And last, but not least, the forty-thousand year old beast within us.

I have no special piece of paper that helps me to claim that I am an expert on what you will read here.
However, I am an expert by virtue of the fact that I am a woman.

Sometimes, that's enough.

I am - possibly naively - hoping that what you read here might lessen the gap a little bit, between men and
women. If not that, then maybe it will give you a laugh at the very least.

I fully expect to received some fascinating hate mail on the subject, but then, that's what inspired me to actually
sit down and write this informative little piece in the first place.

Let me explain...

***

A while back I was visiting with a friend of mine. He'd wanted to introduce his fiance' to myself and the rest of
my family. We were fairly good friends. Not intimate but I no longer threw him in with the group of people I call
acquaintances.

He is, in my opinion, a sweet man, if a little naīve where women are concerned, but most men are. There is no
chauvinism intended in that statement. I am simply fully aware of just how alien my gender can be from time to time.

Anyway, we had been discussing the actions certain medications had on the emotions of both men and women
and how they differed. That somehow led to me talking to my friend - named Don - about what I call the "Little
Voice." This is the voice inside of all women that tells them when and how to manipulate a man, or a situation, (but
more often a person), to their advantage.

I've always thought it a very amusing subject and found it doubly amusing when I saw the fascinated expression
of interest on Don's face. What I did NOT expect was the look of pure unadulterated hatred I received from his
fiance'. As I continued to explain to Don the ways that women use this "Little Voice" to our advantage, his fiance's
expression darkened until I knew, personally, what the phrase "shooting dagggers from her eyes," meant.

Being a somewhat innocent individual myself, in many ways, I could find no reason for her animosity. After all,
most manipulation in a relationship is wrong. Communication is the name of the game. At least that's what I've always
believed.

Later that evening, my own sweetheart explained that Don's lady had most likely believed that I was giving
away some kind of female "secrets." As if I was betraying my gender!

This gave me pause to think and wonder. How many other women would think that I was doing them a
disservice by "revealing" such "secrets"? Or would they find the subject as fascinating and amusing as I did and perhaps
laugh when they saw themselves in the actions described in the following text.

***

Let's start with something familiar to us all.

PMS.

PMS. Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. Now there's a set of words to send a man and many a women running and
screaming in confusion and terror.

It is only recently, say the last fifteen years, that physicians have finally begun to take it seriously. Perhaps it
was the fact that a few men were knifed by their truly loving wives. Perhaps not. In our still male dominated world, I'll
bet it helped.

For many years I was one of those women who suffered neither cramps, nor PMS. I was hated by other
women. I never understood the pain of cramps so I could not sympathize and neither could I understand the emotional
upheaval of PMS.

To make a long story short I had to receive what is called a therapeutic abortion. My physicans told me that
putting me through the birth process would very likely kill me. (My heart would just not be up to it.) Thus, the abortion.
But we won't go there. That's another discussion all together.

I was also placed on a medication to help said physical problems. These added to the new mix of hormones
that were now racing within me.

In any case, things changed after this event. It changed everything. It took several years but eventually it really
did alter my physiology.

It started with slight nausea and a few piercing but brief cramps. That led to deep aching cramps. Then, one
day I was in a panic, wondering what was trying to claw it's way out of my body! Shortly before said Alien was trying
to make it's presence known, I'd been in a horrible rage. I was, until then, a rather soft spoken person. The very idea
of me being overly angry about anything was virtually unheard of.

As I said, this happened gradually. I suppose that age has something to do with it in as well. I started having
raging PMS and terrible cramps shortly after I turned the abortion and I'd turned thirty. But I have known girls who
were only 12 years of age who suffered similarly to the point that they would be in bed with the pain. One of them
actually fainting from blood loss once a month if she was not careful. Thank god for medications!

Be that as it may, PMS is now my companion. And my sweetheart, patient saint that he is, was to be my prey
for at least seven days out of every month, from now until menopause, and, considering the hormonal changes that
accompany that event, even that is often no escape.

I was lucky in that I kept journals at this time. It helped us to deal with things. I'm hoping that in seeing the
patterns, I might be able to help at least one woman, and possibly one man, deal with the effects of PMS.

Not all women respond the same to PMS. However, there are a few similarities that can be ascribed to
most women who do suffer from this monthly malady. I myself no longer call it PMS.

I call it Hell Week.

One common reaction to this chemical change is that a woman will often become needy an then expect her
husband, boyfriend, mate, whatever, to somehow read her mind and know that she is needy. Then, if that individual is
not the Amazing Kreskin, he will suddenly be the most thoughtless person on the planet. Face it guys, that's the way it
is. Even when I KNOW it's happening, I find it almost impossible to prevent myself from having less than charitable
thoughts about the idiocy of the man I love. Be patient. It's only seven to ten days...well, for most woment.

I have discovered that most women find it very difficult to communicate properly at this time. Either that or they
become deadly in their communication skills. Politicians have nothing on some women who "suffer" from this effect. I
know. I can almost talk rings around my sweetheart at this time and he has a frightening grasp of the english language
and all it's nuances.

It's not that we women are in the right when we start arguing. It's that we can show you HOW we are right.
And we will! Right up until the point that we push a little too far. Then we get bitten. By the man we love. And who do
we blame? Why him of course! For not listening! For not caring! For not understanding! Then, almost invariably,
after some blow up, we femmes are suddenly sane again, and almost always ashamed that we put our mate through
such torment. We generally end up in tears or, more often than not, ( though women are loathe to admit it) we become
sexually needy.

Whoops! Do I hear a bit of humorous indignation? (We will approach this one, delicately a little later.)

Think about it, ladies. It's a pretty fixed cycle, if you're one of those who suffer from this pattern (and it's one of
the most common). I am one of these women. I'll be fine, with no clue except on a calendar, that I am in any way
subject to the PMS death tongue. Suddenly, I'll get angry about something. It almost doesn't matter what I am angry
about. It just happens. Yes, he may be in the wrong. Yes, he may have forgotten to take out the trashcans. Yes, he
might have forgotten to kiss your feet that morning. But does that rate giving in to the rage you want to use in tearing
him apart for such supposed indescretions?

No. It does not. No matter how pleasing the mental image might be at that time, remember who he is. And
remember he loves you. He is NOT THE ENEMY.

He is, however, from time to time, a doofus.

But that's not his fault. Really.

One of the pitfalls of PMS is that it is during this time that women are sending out scands of a chemical called
pheromones. They work to make women even more attractive to members of the opposite sex than they already are.
This is natures way of giving the male a kick in the pants, saying "Hey! Look at her! Go continue the species!" This
was a good thing, forty thousand years ago. (I'll address this particular beast a bit later.)

Unfortunately, pheromones also seem to lower the number of functioning brain cells a man has at his beck and
call.

So, consider the situation. A woman is aroused, but she doesn't want to be touched. She generally wants to be
seduced. Often, nothing short of roses and chocoaltes or mad passion will do at this point. But the man's pheromone
fogged intellect is such that he may miss what she believes are blatant (they're not) signals to let him know what she
wants and needs.

What she really needs is an adrenal release. Plain and simple. It may not be romantic, but it is chemical.

If she does not receive the adrenal release through sex or some other action, she'll often get it through rage,
and arguing is the most common way that women received this release.

Unexpected conflicts arise at this time, often leaving men dazed and confused. They almost never know what
started it. Perhaps it was because he put on the blue shirt instead of the beige one this morning. Who knows? All he
knows is that his beloved has become just short of a maniac.

Now, I don't want you to think this is the way it is for all women. It isn't. This is just one scenario. And it often
comes in different intensities. Different flavors, so to speak. Some months I'm just weepy. All I want, or need, are lots
of hugs. Not necessarily sex. Hugs. Support. That kind of thing. Other months I'm angry at the world, but not him.
(Listen up guys! These times are when a women just wants to bitch. Complain. Vent. Do not try and solve her
conflicts for her at this time. It is not a good idea. She just need someone to listen. Nod at the proper times and really
listen. For we know when you're faking it and if we discover this, then you will become the focus!)

Then there are other times when it seems like no matter how hard and patient the man is, nothing but pushing
him until he becomes upset will break the cycle. Then everyone loses.

Why do you think some natives sent their women AWAY from the tribe during this part of their cycle? They
knew they'd be dealing with madwomen! (Primitive does not mean stupid!)

I, for one, am grateful that our sentience makes it so that this type of cycle can be broken if you start out being
aware and patient with one another.

Now, this does not count for the women who don't care. Those women who actually get off on arguing. There
are women who will go out of their way to stand in front of the TV during that special sporting even and choose THAT
time to pick an argument or have that long put off "discussion." (This is a very bad sign. All you guys can do is put a
tape in the VCR, if you've got one, set it to record, and prepare to put on your hazmat suit.)

There ARE women like that, and men who oblige. I myself find this very difficult to deal with but to each his
own on the evolutionary ladder.

***

So, in a nutshell, PMS happens. For some women, it happens for the average seven to ten days before their
menstrual flow. For others it's is during. For me it is five days before, during and about three days after. That's 13 days
out of every 30. For others, it's worse. And for some, like myself before thirty, it doesn't happen at all.

So, how do you deal with it?

Women? Understand what's happening and be aware. If the beast still grabs hold of you, it may continue to
cause some emotional pain, but not nearly as much as if you were not aware of what was happening. Understand that
you cannot always completely "control" it. You can however be aware of it. And never, ever, use it as an excuse.
Excuse are bad. Reasons are fine. Otherwise some women fall into the pit of just allowing it to happen, shrugging and
letting those around them suffer rather than communicating and working together to be aware and work with it.

Sometimes, for me, when it becomes bitter bad but I have enough on the ball to see it coming, I'll grab a piece
of chocolate and go into my bedroom, turn off the lights, put some special music on and lay back on soft pillows.

Other times I'll tell everyone that I'm "going into the back" (words of doom in my house), and I'll pop a
particular CD into the player and hope that it continues to work this time. (We have discovered in certain
circumstances humor can help...but it is a fine line to tread. When a PMSy woman does not want to smile, she won't
and trying to force the issue is often a match to dynamite.) A favorite "humor" device of mine is to listen to a song I
affectionately call "The Chicken Song." (It's actually called "In the Mood" by the Henhouse Five.) It's a very silly song
that is done by a very talented comedy singer, entirely in the voice of chickens. I am never smiling when it starts. Ever.
By the time it has repeated itself ten to twenty times I'm starting to grin and even bounce a little with the catchy rhythm.
With some searching, use whatever works. One of the most common things that I've noticed women do is shopping.
Getting something to make themselves happy.

Now, Men, how do YOU deal with it? Patience. I cannot stress this enough. It's difficult, but with practice it
does become easier as you begin to recognize the signs and as mentioned above, become aware.

Talk to her. Find out how she's feeling. If she's uncommunicative, do something special but simple. Take her
out for ice cream or a cappucino. Bring her some of her favorite chocolate, even if it's just a simple candy bar that you
know she favors. I know I'm mentioning chocolate a lot. It has a lot of properties that are just recently being given
validity as helping some emotional roller coasters.)

I can say from much personal experience and the experience of female friends that it does work! I've even
seen it work on men. We affectionately call it "antidote." It just depends on the circumstances as to how well it works.
If she disappears into the back room for a while, allow her that temporary sanctuary. After about twenty minutes,
check on her. It's just what she'll need to believe you care. (Deep inside she already knows this but at this time of the
month the beast has ahold of her and is screaming otherwise. Understand this and do not be hurt by her emotions.
Again, patience.) Tell her you love her and if she wants to talk, you're there.

And never, EVER ask her if it's her time of the month when you suspect that is the reason for her
uncharacteristic behavior. If you do, you will fully deserve the fireworks that you have set match to.

And, unfortunately, there are those times when it's a no win situation. Try and be patient.

This too will pass.

***

One of the reasons I received daggers from Don's wife was when I mentioned...

The Little Voice

In every women, though they are loathe to admit it and some are even completely unaware of it, there is a
voice. Some call it their conscience. I prefer to think of it as my conscience's evil twin.

Though the Little Voice might try and convince the women that it's intentions are noble (to help her fulfill her
needs) it is, in reality, a selfish and self-centered creature. All it focus' on is how it can acquire what it wants from
others.

Ah, the Little Voice. This is the voice that tells a woman that after sex is when a man is most vulnerable to
suggestion. (Quick! Ask him that VERY serious question you've been meaning to ask him and if he doesn't answer the
way you want, become hurt. He'll feel awful because he's feeling so good!)

This is SO unfair!

This is the voice that tells a woman, if she's in tears, (Now! Make use of them! He's feeling awful! You can get
a lot from him at this moment!)

This is the voice that tells you to discuss a serious subject when you have him as a captive audience and are
driving to a friend's house for that dinner part, or any other time when you are both in the car and the drive is longer
than five minutes.

This is the voice that chooses to try and discuss serious subjects, in bed, just before going to sleep or when
he's avidly watching a program on the television.

The middle name of the Little Voice is guilt.

Women, if you find yourself doing any of the above, STOP IT!

It is unnecessary, cruel, and just plain selfish. If you want something, just ask. Do not choose these vulnerable
times to try and get something, some opinion, some reaction that The Little Voice desires. Such manipulations almost
always end with both parties losing. (Unless of course the woman is very good at it, and I have known many who are.
They, I've noticed, for the most part, are wholly unaware of what they are doing. But they should be. They should
stop. Rather than manipulate they should communicate at times when it befits both parties, not just one.

This is also the voice that tells a woman when to do something that will make her friend(s) envy her. (Ooooh,
look! That guy that so-and-so's been looking at for weeks is looking at ME! Quick! Flirt with him! Maybe even give
him a kiss. Then act as if you don't know what you were doing. Goodness! It was HE who was doing the flirting!)

Again, such actions are cruel and unwarranted and a bitter reminder of our monkey heritage.

Now, guys, you cannot avoid the Little Voice, for you cannot hear it.

It is the woman's responsibility to take what it says with a grain of salt.

I, personally, ignore it. It can be damned difficult at times but most of the time, I am successful.

It can, however, be rather frightening at times. There have been a few times when I was crying my eyes out
during my Hell Week and I actually felt myself consider how I could make use of the tears! Then, there are those times
when, having just gone to bed, I recall what I had intended to discuss earlier that day! (Now is not the time. It's
unfair.)

As another example, there was one occasion when my sweetie had done something foolish and that Little
Voice told me that was a good time to ask for something expensive that I would not normally ask for, which was silly
because my relationship is built on communication. (It does work though it takes effort.) However, the Little Voice is
unaware of such niceties, no matter how well brought-up you are.

To be quite honest, there are times when the Little Voice is a good thing. But it's a fine line and sometimes it is
difficult to discern. It can be beneficial for both his and her egos. It is the WAY that it is done and the results that
count.

How can it be a good thing? Especially after all the negatives I've shown you? Well, there are times that a
person's life would run much smoother, be much easier, if they'd just "do that." Sometimes the ego of that person might
interfere if they are told such a thing would "help" them. (We humans are silly creatures.) So, if that person is slightly
manipulated into believing that the idea was theirs in the first place, the ego is unthreatened and in fact they can be
proud that they were able to make such a decision.

Again, keep in mind it is the nature of a woman to maniuplate. We are the physically weaker of the species and
over the course of centuries, we have had to acquire what we needed in various ways.

We've done so since the beginning.

Introducing The Forty thousand Year Old Beast

To be continued...

As this is "in progress" I have paused here. If you have enjoyed reading my little musings, or have any
comments, please email me at Tashta (at) mindspring (dot) com. I would very much enjoy hearing folks
opinions on this article thus far.