NJ62

May 29, 2005 (Sunday late)

Well, it's been a weekend, that's for sure. Memorial Day. And I've got lots to remember this time around.

We went to a SciFi/Fantasy convention. The first one since Johnathon awakened.

It was…okay. No, not okay. It was…different.

The conventions we usually attend are anthropomorphically based. This wasn't but it led to many of the
offshoot anthro cons.

Lots of folks came up to Johnathon but they didn't know what to say. It was really weird. A few were pretty
cool. The older ones. The folks who have aged right along with us. *smile*

Aged. We're not old. We've just been around.

A few of the SMOF's did come up to him, though, greeting him and giving him hugs and words of support.

Hmm, minor rant of sorts:

Oh. Speaking of SMOF's--(that stands for Secret Master Of Fandom) there are folks out there who I've heard
are declaring themselves SMOF's.

Um, the whole "secret" part of it doesn't seem to click with them, does it? Not one SMOF who is a real one,
will publicize it.

I'm serious.

I've met several, but that's only because I am the friend of someone who became one. I was there. It was
amazingly funny. The real SMOF's take this person aside into a circle of them and tell that person that they
are now officially a SMOF. "What, you expected it to be more serious? Complex? What?" they asked him, all
of them grinning and laughing. And then inviting him out for a drink to celebrate. Now these folks who do this
are not just folks off the street. They're a group of movers and shakers in the SciFi/Fantasy community. Long
time authors, well established artists, sfx folks, folks involved in the fandom in some majorly important way.
They could even be a known NASA engineer or something like that. Yup. You could talk to one and never…
ever know it.

It was hilarious when I watched my friend become one and no, I'm not going to tell you who it is. I don't have
that right. *grin* But it was SO cool!

End minor rant.

Back to the con. Sort of. Johnathon had a good time and that's what was important to me. He sat most of the
time, his legs still fatiguing very quickly. He showed off some of the projects he was working on before the
accident. He was also having a good time pushing the on-line comic. He brought some of his drawings and sat
talking about Cyeatea to a few folks who had questions. He was so jazzed his eyes were sparkling.

Fleur and I attended the art show. As always at this particular con, it was very well run and the art was
awesome.

And then there was this other thing that happened.

There was a little lecture by this young man who is part of the entertainment industry. Or was. He'd been
around and, like Johnathon, pulled out due to politics…again, like Johnathon.

Now, how do I put this?

Fleur and I were reading the con schedule and saw this one panel. Something about creating. We decided to
go see for the heck of it. Johnathon was in his element and he shoo'd us off to go have fun.

The moment I walked into the room and saw the speaker, saw his face, I was drawn to him with a fierceness
that was almost frightening. I had no idea why. It was almost sexual but not. It had that same visceral
intensity. There was something about him that I could almost grasp physically, but most definitely psychically.
I was left shaking.

Fleur noticed and asked me about it but I couldn't tell her anything except that I was feeling something from
the young man in the front of the room. (There were several folks there, but I could tell where the pull was
coming from.)

And then he started talking. What he said made me sit up and watch every single move he made. From the
way he moved his hands to the dimples in his cheeks. To the way he touched people. He appeared to be a
toucher. A hugger. Touched easily.

Just...like...me.

And he...dreamwalks.

Really dreamwalks. He spoke about how he'd once lived an entire lifetime in the span of a dream. But was it
that short a time? He mentioned something about, oh, I can't recall the word. Johnathon uses it all the time.
Not physics...the, more complex theories that are being bandied about these days. Quantum! That's it! "If
quantum theories are to be believed, it could have happened, couldn't it?"

He spoke about how suddenly "Bang!" he was back in his body. Back...here.

All I could think to myself was...Oh my god. He's one of us.

It wasn't so much what he said, as how he said it. The way he spoke about some of his theories was so
damned familiar.

I almost cried.

And somehow, I knew that I should never, ever, come in contact with this glowing creature.

And part of me screamed inside.

It was, and this is hard to write, the way seeing an angel, or unicorn is described. The glowing. The charisma.

And I was not allowed to go near it.

At all.

Ever.

Though it would be so easy.

If I ever gained the attention of this...rare creature, I could potentially harm it, and myself.

Labyrinth wished that it had not happened. That I'd never seen him. (Yes, I spoke to him about it.) He
explained to me that my instincts were correct.

Still, I'm glad I met him. I'll cherish that pain. But I will regret. It was if I found another lost part of a whole. I
knew instantly that Johnathon would like him. His creativity. His innocence. Everything.

But still we could destroy it with a few words. I am told we would be the same in charisma to one another. Thus
changing his entire focus here. And, unlike most, he is happy here with what he is currently doing. He has a
focus for his life. He is important in his role here. And...he's never been trained. He has no guardians. Nothing
like the Singularity. If we showed him his walking was "real," if we took away any vestiges of doubt he might
have, it could potentially injure him and leave him open to attack. Especially because he's sensitive. You can
tell just by talking to him. Listening to him. And there is, apparently the very real possibility of us cancelling
each other out. Like...um...a power spike that burns out the circuit. We could burn each other's conduits
out...leaving us no longer able to walk. At all.

The decision to leave him be, and not ever come into real physical contact with one another was easy after I
learned that last fact.

At least, at the panel, he did say he was "spoken" for. "Very happily so," he said when I overheard someone
ask him. That's important. That makes me happy that he has that.

Otherwise, how lonely the lot of a dreamwalker in this realm.

I've reread the above and hell, I don't know if I've made any sense. Most folks would say "Just go say hello!
What harm can it do?"

They don't understand.

Never touch a unicorn unless you're ready to accept the fact that the existence of you both will be forever
changed.

Not always for the better.

Did I want to take that chance?

The answer was easy.

That night we dreamwalked.

All three of us.

I'll get to that, too. But for the moment, I'm tired. I think I'll go curl up with Johnathon.